


Trolling is Therapy

by Roroone



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen, Naruto
Genre: Body Negotiation, By stalking, Crack-ish, Explosions, Fixing Your Daddy Issues - Hatake Kakashi and Uzumaki Naruto, Fluffy as Kurama's tails, Fuck You Kishimoto, Gen, Hammerspace, Mother Hen Uchiha Sasuke, Overpowered Hatake Kakashi, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Sealing Hijinks, Second Shinobi War, Secret Identity, Sharing a Body, Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine Universe, Third Shinobi War, Three 18-year-olds and one adult and one bijuu, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Trolling, Very light-hearted, also via Shikako, in one body, naruto timeline, punt it into the past, shake well, via Shikako
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roroone/pseuds/Roroone
Summary: Set in Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine.Directly after sealing Kaguya, Team 7 travels back in time to the tail-end of the Second Shinobi War. With... interesting side-effects.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Hatake Sakumo, Hatake Kakashi & Nara Shikako & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Nara Shikako & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto & Hatake Sakumo, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 96
Kudos: 678
Collections: Heliocentrism — a Dreaming of Sunshine recursive collection





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A time travel fix-it starring Silver Queen's Lucky Sevens. With bonus bodysharing. 
> 
> Very much crack-ish. Enjoy.

"This is not what I had in mind when you said it was time-space travel," Kakashi said as he stared down at his reflection in the river. A 22-year-old Hatake Kakashi looked back at him, mask barely hanging onto his face. The hitai-ate was pushed up so that Obito's Sharingan was out and spinning. He eyed it before pushing more chakra and-, yep. That was Sasuke's Sharingan and Rinnegan. He cut the chakra off and watched his eyes swirl back into grey and red. Another flush of chakra around his body revealed several seals on his skin, seals he didn't remember putting on himself. Concentrating it in his stomach(the Hara, to be exact) and pulling up his shirt made a mammoth Jinchuriki seal, Naruto's seal, appear. 

"...It wasn't what I had in mind either, Sensei," Shikako admitted sheepishly. There was a beat of silence before Sasuke snorted. "No kidding.“

"Come on," Naruto tried, ever optimistic. "It's not all that bad."

"You're all in my body," Kakashi said flatly. "My _decade younger_ body." 

“At least it’s still looks like your body the most? I mean, our bodies could have fused together as well,” Shikako replied in attempt to soothe. It didn’t really help.

Sasuke grunted and attempted to get his feet under him in order to stand up. They collapsed back on to the ground, trembling with exhaustion. “Never mind that. Where are we?” He lifted his head and looked around.

They were laid out on their stomach, having crawled across the grass to get to the river. It was more of a small creek with a grey rock bottom and ran through the small clearing they were in. The temperature was cool, both because of the proximity to the creek and the dappled shade the green foliage provided. Shikako noted that none of the trees surrounding them were Hashirama trees. Nowhere near Konoha, then.

“Looks like the northern forests of the Land of Fire,” Kakashi said in response to her observation. A memory of tree-hopping through a forest identical to the one they were in floated involuntarily through their minds before he quickly pushed it away.

Naruto wobbled upright, tried to turn around, and fell over. “Oof! I thought we were in the Land of Rainforests.” He pulled up a memory of chasing a drunk-off-his-ass Jiraiya through a damp, dark forest while being chased by several large and lovestruck animals and showed it to them. Proudly. Sasuke sent back a feeling of _what the hell, Naruto_.

“No, it’s too dry and bright to be a rainforest.” Shikako shook her head and stopped abruptly as that motion made sudden nausea rear it’s head. “The dampness we’re feeling right now is just early morning chill, probably. Also. More than the location, we need to know what time we're in.”

They all went silent at her words.

“...That’s a question?” Sasuke asked her, somewhat hesitantly. Because Shikako nearly always had an answer to a question or situation, but they were not always sane or reassuring.

“It was a space- _time_ technique _Kaguya_ used, countered inefficiently by my own time-space seal. Hopefully we’re still in our own era and year but for all we know, we could be in the Warring Clans Era right now,” Shikako confirmed, serious.

Like now. Damn.

“...Well, only one way to find out,” Naruto decided, recovering the quickest from that revelation because it wasn’t the first time he had time-traveled and braced his legs to stand up.

Kakashi nodded in agreement before suddenly freezing in place, making them collapse on the ground _again_. Annoyed, Sasuke mentally shoved him to the side and started pushing himself upright _yet again._

“Wait. What do you mean it’s not the first time you traveled through time? Naruto!”

* * *

"Stop, no, _stop_ ," Kakashi ordered after he fell on his face for the third time because Naruto and Sasuke tried to step in the opposite direction with the same leg. Shikako wasn't part of it solely because she agreed to not try to control his body waist down bar emergency after feeling his discomfort. Except his soles. She needed them to place seals everywhere they stepped foot in, Shikako claimed, and none of them actually wanted his _soles_ badly enough to argue with her. "This isn't working.“

They were still in the forest clearing they first woke up in, partly because neither Kakashi nor Shikako could sense anyone nearby and partly because they couldn't take more than two steps before falling on their ass. Kakashi foresaw at the very least, a few days, maybe a week, before they became combat-capable to his satisfaction. It was a process of frustration as figuring out their respective limitations and boundaries and teamwork within a single body, his body, was unlike any teamwork exercise he'd trained in. Or trained his genin in. 

"What do you suggest, then?" Sasuke asked grumpily, raising one hand to wipe ineffectually at the dirt smudged on his masked cheek. Kakashi withheld a wince at that. It was going to be hell to get that out. 

Shikako shrugged and suggested, "Give primary control to Kakashi-sensei and take over body parts when we'll do better? We'd have to communicate and decide instantaneously for it to be effective, though. Although I still want your soles, Sensei. In fact, we should decide on what parts to control semi-permanently.“

Kakashi sighed. He was doing that a lot lately. "We decide and practice, then." 

"Man, I want to use Shadow Clones," Naruto complained. After discovering the shared memory function, he had never trained without them. It was much more quick and convenient.

Shikako considered that. Neither Kakashi-sensei’s scent-tracking nor her chakra sense could feel anybody near them for several dozen kilometers. Wherever they were, it was extremely isolated.

“Actually, why don’t do you make one?”

Naruto startled. “Shikako-chan? Ah, I was just saying tha-”

“No,” she interrupted, patient. “The more I think about it, the more we need to test it out. What happens when we make a shadow clone? Are all of us cloned or can we send one of us over to ‘control’ it? If one of us _can_ control it, what happens when it disperses? If Naruto makes a clone and _that_ disperses, does the memory come back to only Naruto or all of us? We need to know. It’ll be a waste not to use the jutsu considering Naruto’s mastery of it and it’s usefulness. Besides, at this rate we’ll be here practicing simply _moving_ for days. _Weeks,_ just to get combat-capable. Shadow Clone will cut down on that time.”

“You _collapsed_ the last time you used Shadow Clone Jutsu,” Sasuke contradicted flatly. “We don’t have a hospital or Tsunade-sama nearby this time and the only one among us with medic-nin training is _you_.”

“I _temporarily_ lost consciousness for a few minutes before waking up completely fine,” Shikako argued back. “We’re as isolated as we’re going to get. This is the best time to test it out.”

The two of them continued to argue back and forth until Kakashi intervened. “Maa maa,” he soothed, practiced at settling their squabbling and arguing after six years of it, “I agree that we need to test the jutsu out. But-”

“Kakashi-sensei,” said Sasuke, betrayed.

“ _But_ ,” Kakashi repeated, stressing the word, “if Shikako faints, that’s the last time we use that jutsu. Naruto agrees with that.”

Naruto nodded his head furiously. “Yeah! Shadow Clone Jutsu is awesome but I want you alright more, Shikako!”

Shikako stilled for a moment, cocking her head to side before giving a small huff. “I never fainted.”

“Maa, of course. Now, Naruto?”

“Yeah! Shadow Clone Jutsu!” There’s a puff of chakra smoke and a clone pops into existence next to them. It looks exactly like how they look now, a young adult Kakashi and none of them feel any different. Shikako gave Naruto a mental nudge, urging him to receive just a memory first before dispelling it. A moment later, they all received a memory of themselves standing precariously, back slumped against one of the trees at the edge of the clearing.

“Huh.” Shikako lightly shook her head at the unfamiliar feeling. Weird. Was this what Naruto felt every time he dispelled a clone?

“Shikako?”

“I’m fine. Next step.”

Naruto nodded. “Release!”

There was a small pop of smoke before chakra returned to their coils. Shikako braced herself.

Nothing.

Sasuke cautiously gave her a mental poke. “Are you conscious?”

“Yeah, I’m completely fine,” Shikako answered. “That’s weird.”

“What is?” Kakashi asked casually, like he wasn't the one tensing their body into steel.

"I think that our chakra pathways are overlapped with each other," Shikako observed, circulating her chakra. "See, if I do this," she activated Shadow Stitch, "and this," she pulled on Naruto's chakra, "then I can use Naruto's chakra without using mine. This is really interesting.“

Kakashi huffed, exasperated but fond. "It's interesting, I'm sure." 

"It really is," Shikako defended herself somewhat distractedly, already poking at their respective systems. "This is supposed to be impossible. Like, how are we not dead from chakra poisoning or even able to mold it at all? Ah, but I think I know why I’m not affected by Shadow Clone. See, Naruto’s coils are on top of mine and Kakashi and Sasuke are behind me. The memory comes to all of us because it’s a mental component but the chakra is more physical than pure memory so it only goes to Naruto. Or at least, I think. It doesn't make any sense but it’s the closest explanation I’ve got. As long as I don’t use it myself, I’ll be fine."

Sasuke gave a quiet sigh. “That’s one less worry then.”

* * *

They decided that Kakashi should keep his nose as he's the best scent tracker. Shikako kept her soles. Sasuke and Kakashi figured out when and how to activate their respective Sharingan without canceling each other out. They all tried to summon their respective animal summons to no avail. The day they found that out was a bitter pill to swallow.

They kept on training.

"Y'know," Naruto began thoughtfully, after grueling session of trying sync the wide wind-up movements of his Rasengan with Kakashi’s sharp and minimalist taijutsu along with Shikako’s sensing and touch-based seals with Sasuke simultaneously keeping a lookout from their blind spot while trying to activate his Sharingan, "do you think I can use Sage Mode and Kurama's chakra like this? Kurama wants to try and I need to know if I can still do Frog Kata." 

“We’ll try that next,” Kakashi promised. He breathed in a controlled rhythm before pushing himself up from the ground and marveled at Naruto’s stamina. Even after Mangekyo Sharingan was found out and his chakra levels stabilized, his endurance had never been the best. But Naruto? Naruto could make a thousand Shadow Clones and go through extreme training and keep on going for days with energy and chakra to spare. By the virtue of fusing with him, Kakashi now also had that nigh-inhuman stamina. It felt somewhat unfair. Shikako commiserated with him.

“We need to try out our jutsus. I need to know if Susanoo still works as well.” Sasuke slowly went through a light routine of stretches while Shikako flushed chakra through their body, getting rid of any lingering ache from the hard training.

“..Depending on what time we’re in, we’re going to have to avoid using distinctive techniques,” Shikako murmured. “We’ve been here for a week and not a single search party came across us. This place isn’t _that_ isolated for all that it’s just us here.”

Every hour that passed without coming across a shinobi from the Alliance, the more it got increasingly likely that they were in a different time from their own.

Naruto sat back down after Sasuke finished stretching and settled as comfortably as he could. “Still, we need to try it out.”

“Yes, that’s true. But depending on _when_ we are, Rasengan and Chidori are going to be extremely suspicious. My Shadow Jutsu, _Sharingan,_ even your necklace, Naruto, are going to raise questions regardless of the time period.” She tilted her head in consideration. “Rinnegan would actually raise the least fuss, considering everything.”

“We’ll just kick their ass in taijutsu then. Stop worrying, Shikako-chan. And stop moving.”

* * *

"We," Naruto giggled as they fled a smoking crater of a forest, "are going to unstoppable." 

"Hn." 

"Yes yes, stop smiling Sasuke. My cheeks are starting to hurt." 

Shikako brought up her gloved palms to stare at them, considering. "Did we ever check to see if the blessing from the Sage was gone?"

There was a moment of silence.

"You are a genius, Shikako," Naruto whispered.

* * *

The nearest village was more of a small community of people with their houses clustered together with a bare minimum of shops. That meant despite changing into clean, nondescript clothing and plenty of ryo thanks to Shikako and her Hammerspace, an obvious intruder was met with wariness and an aggressively polite request to leave from the village chief.

Sasuke slapped a hand over Naruto’s mouth and Shikako politely inclined her head at the chief. Kakashi dragged the boys back to allow Shikako take charge of the interaction. “May I ask one question before I leave?”

The village chief looked even more wary than before but that could have been from seemingly slapping their own mouth abruptly. “What is it?”

“What year and month is it?”

“It is the sixth year into Daimyo Taranosuke-sama’s reign and six days until the end of Yayoi. Now please leave.”

They left.

“So when are we?” Naruto asked when they were alone and tree-hopping towards the nearest village-like cluster of chakra Shikako could sense.

“Two years before the official end of the Second War,” answered Shikako. Shinobi and civilians had different calenders for counting years. After the hidden villages were founded, shinobi had used their respective founding year as a standard while civilians used their land’s daimyo’s reign as one.

“...Kakashi-sensei?” Sasuke mentally nudged the man. Kakashi had fallen silent after the date was confirmed and not said a word since.

He stirred. “Yes?”

Sasuke did the unsubtle subtle equivalent of shoving Shikako forward. She shoved him back before asking, “Are you okay?”

Kakashi smiled at their obvious antics. “Yes, I am. Ah, we're here.”

Naruto jumped out of the trees and looked around before shouting excitedly, “Look! They sell ramen over there! Let’s go!” He took off before any of them could do anything.

* * *

"So," Shikako started, "priorities. We need to decide what to do from here."

Naruto raised his hand, like he was back in the Academy and making Iruka's day by following a rule for once. "I vote we go to Konoha." 

"Idiot. We can't go to Konoha," Sasuke snapped and tried to put his hand back down.

"Why not?!" Naruto snapped back and tried to put his hand back up. There was a brief scuffle as the two fought, Kakashi's right hand jerking up and down in the air before Shikako intervened. "We really shouldn't. What are we even going to say to them? Nobody's going to believe us."

"Why wouldn't they? Hokage-jiji would totally listen to us!"

"Is he even Hokage right now? And even if he is, did you forget about fucking Danzo right next to him?"

"Ewww, you bastard!"

"Why are you-, shut up you stupid idiot! You know I didn't mean it like-"

"How about," Kakashi interrupted, drier than a desert during drought, "we stop talking out loud, for one?"

The two boys fell silent, suddenly very aware of the way people were staring at them inside the food stand. The poor owner who'd been standing to the far side of her own shop cautiously approached them. "Y-your miso ramen, sir. The rest will be out shortly." She scuttled away as soon as the bowl was put down.

Naruto cheered. "Ramen! Thanks, lady!" He pulled down the mask and started digging in before Kakashi could react. The shop grew even more silent. Kakashi internally sighed. Things were going get troublesome. Shikako gave him the mental equivalent of a curious poke on the shoulder. He gave her a mental pat on the head and pulled Sasuke back before he could open his mouth because Kakashi didn't want his face trying to talk with a mouthful of half-chewed ramen noodles. 

Sure enough, a young women slid smoothly into the seat next to them. She was very beautiful, shiny black hair pinned up and red lips pulled into a flirty smirk. A moment later, a middle-aged man sat down on their other side. Naruto kept on eating obliviously but the rest of them took notice. 

_'Is this what I think it is?'_ Sasuke asked warily. Shikako seemed bemused. _'Is this why you wear your mask?'_

 _'Partly,'_ Kakashi replied. He readied himself because Naruto certainly wouldn't. 

The women leaned forward, a strategic placement of her arms revealing a strip of cleavage. "Are all insane men as handsome as you?"

Naruto looked up from his bowl. "Huh?" She smiled and leaned even closer. "I like my men plenty special, you know?" 

The three of them could feel Naruto's confusion. "What?"

Kakashi sighed, externally this time. Shikako slapped down a wad of money on top of the counter with a twist of her wrist, sensing what he was about to do. Wouldn't do to dine-and-dash, after all. The owner didn't do anything wrong. Kakashi swallowed the rest of the ramen in a single bite, pulled up his mask, dodged the man's arm trying to grasp around his waist, gave a jaunty wave, and body-flickered out.

"...What?" Naruto asked, utterly confused.

Sasuke shook his head. "You idiot."

* * *

"No really," Shikako started again after slapping privacy seals over every millimetre of their inn room, "we need to figure out a plan. Decide on an order of action, at the very least." 

"Kill Danzo," Sasuke replied immediately. 

"Get rid of Madara," said Kakashi, equally as fast.

"Seal Black Zetsu," Naruto added on after a beat.

Shikako considered that and nodded. “Alright. Let’s get started.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danzo is deader than a doormat doornail.

They agreed to kill Danzo first because Sasuke spoke first, but also because killing Danzo got rid of thirty, no, at least forty percent of their problems. It got rid of enough of their problems that not even _Naruto_ objected to killing him. Besides, they weren’t nearly far enough into the past to justify trying to urge him into changing his ways. Not to Sasuke, anyways.

He wanted to go into the village with Shikako’s Shadow State and their collective stealth skills and brutally assassinate the bastard in the messiest way possible, but that was quickly shut down.

“He’s still currently a respected shinobi elder, especially now, in wartime,” Shikako bluntly countered, “He probably has the Third’s explicit trust and ear. Most importantly, it’ll be bad for Konoha if one of our strongest shinobi got killed in the dead of the night so close to the end of the war.”

Kakashi nodded in agreement. “The other villages wouldn’t let a weakness like that go.”

“What do you suggest then?” growled Sasuke, frustrated and unhappy. He ran a hand through his hair roughly.

“...A natural death. Heart attack, maybe. It’d have to look like completely untampered with, utterly undetectable.” Shikako shook her head after saying it, though. “Tsunade-sama might still be inside the village.” That the future Hokage would be able to detect any foul tricks went unsaid.

“When did Baa-chan even leave?” Naruto asked.

“When I was three or two,” Kakashi answered after thinking about it for a moment. A hazy memory of overhearing gossiping merchants whispering about how the Senju princess had taken off with the last of the Kato clan from Sakumo’s shoulder slowly rose up and was gently pushed to the side. “Shizune was two years older than me.”

Naruto’s mouth fell open. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Huh.” Sasuke felt surprised but at the same time, wasn’t. Not really. Shikako blinked in slight bafflement, taken sideways from an utterly unexpected direction.

“Hey now,” objected Kakashi in mock wounded pride, not sure why he was protesting but doing so anyway.

Naruto snickered.

* * *

“A heart attack is just the death of a segment of heart muscle caused by a loss of blood supply when an artery supplying it is blocked by a blood clot. Give some chest pain and tissue instability to go with it and get rid of all remaining chakra residue from his coils and we’re good. Slap it on for five seconds and take it off right after and viola, two minutes later, we’ll have a natural dead body.” Shikako slapped down a small square of paper with a simple spiral with ‘heart’ and ‘blood’ and ‘stop’ written in kanji on it. She was slouched over on the table, eyes and head aching with a dull, familiar migraine from a research binge. It’d been four days since she had last gone out of their inn room bar the times Naruto wrested their body to food and bathroom. Kakashi gently ruffled her mental hair, mindful of her headache. Shikako lazily swatted at his hand, rolled over to her corner of headspace, and went to sleep.

“You’re amazing,” said Naruto, entirely heartfelt. He eyed the seal and picked it up between forefinger and thumb carefully and placed it inside their kunai pouch, supplied via Shikako’s Hammerspace.

Sasuke stood up and leapt out the window towards Konoha, already in full Anbu stealth mode.

* * *

It took a mere eleven hours to reach Konoha at high-speed. It would’ve been shorter had Kakashi not made sure to keep any and all ways to track them non-existent.

It was pathetically easy to sneak in through the barrier and patrols. Almost alarmingly so, Sasuke thought uneasily.

 _Well, we are rather overqualified right now. And the barrier is slightly behind from what it was thirty years from now,_ Kakashi reassured him.

 _We’re awesome,_ Naruto agreed distractedly. He was turning his head this way and that way, fascinated by how much Konoha was different. This Konoha hadn’t gone through the Kyubi and Pain ravaging parts of it and was thus mostly the Konoha from its founding, familiar to only Kakashi.

They spared a moment and stopped on top of a roof to simply _look._ Naruto slowly breathed in and _reached_ out with sage chakra, undetectable yet connected because he, they, were simply a part of nature and their surroundings. The worn, heavy molasses-like chakra of the people milled around, tired from war and worry and sadness. There was happiness though, bursts of it and steel will of fire to protect that, tiny warm sparks of hope jumping from person to person. Remnants of energy and will and chakra lingered and clung to their sage chakra, joy-sadness-please-yes-no-wait-grief-hope-relief-laughter-death-life-together-purpose-and, and-,

 _Oh,_ Sasuke said-not-said. Quiet. _Oh._

Kakashi echoed him. _Yes. Oh._

 _There,_ Shikako pointed tiredly, awake after the first returning echo of natural energy. Kakashi moved their legs towards to where Shikako pinpointed, Naruto keeping up sage mode. They slipped past civilians and shinobi, Anbu and Root alike before they found themselves standing before Danzo.

It was strange to see him in robes and sleeping in a bed despite knowing that Danzo was a human as well and needed to sleep and eat and poo-

Sasuke shoved at Naruto. _I don’t need that image in my head, thanks._

Shikako giggled a bit before sobering. _His left eye is already bandaged,_ she pointed out. Sasuke and Naruto stilled, furious and somber and grieving in turns.

Kakashi pulled out the seal from their pouch and carefully, very carefully placed it on Danzo. He plucked it off exactly five seconds later and swiftly left the premises of the building and village, settling in a tree several dozen kilometers away at the very edge of Shikako’s sensing range. Precisely two minutes after pulling off the seal, Danzo’s chakra roiled and heaved, sputtering out before any of the chakra signatures around him could do more than try a Mystical Palm.

* * *

“Madara’s next, then.”

“Where even is he right now?”

“In a cave next to the Juubi husk.”

“A cave where?”

“North, I think Obito said.”

“ _North._ ”

“Somewhere between mountains.”

“Do we have _anything besides_ what covers about 70% of all northern territory?”

“Eh, it’ll be fine. We can combine my Sage Mode and Shikako-chan’s sensing if it comes down to it.”

* * *

Two months of futile searching later, Shikako angrily slouched down in a ramen stall at eastern border of the Land of Waterfalls.

“Nothing at all! You’d think a husk of chakra would be easy to sense but _no,_ ” she huffed irritably.

Kakashi patted her head. “There, there,” he soothed, uncaring of the weird stares the other customers shot them, “We have time.” Especially now that Danzo was dead.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Naruto agreed affably before digging into his bowl of miso ramen, mask on. “Hey, this place is pretty good!” Not as good Ichiraku though, he almost said out loud if not for Shikako firmly pressing her lips together just in time. As it was, they simply made a strange series of muffled sounds while bumping their chopstick-full of noodles against Kakashi’s nose.

Not only was it rude to this stall’s owner, Ichiraku was a Konoha-only ramen stand and they had certainly never officially stepped foot inside Konoha, much less Ichiraku. It never hurt to be careful anyway, as much they could while like this. The civilian guy three seats over was kinda suspicious, Naruto nodded along. He hadn't stopped staring at them since they had stepped inside. Not that it really mattered. Everybody stared at them these days, for one reason or another. 

“Ugh.” Sasuke snagged a tissue and wiped broth from their face.

“My nose,” Kakashi commiserated mournfully.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Zetsu is so very annoyingly slippery. Expected of something that managed to shape history like play dough, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Korean highschool senior while corona is around is just... ugh. Don't do it.

They find Madara and the Demonic Statue in the Mountain's Graveyard way up north. Like Obito said. Unfortunately, Black Zetsu is nowhere to be found. 

"I'm telling you, Black Zetsu's going to show up when he senses that the Statue is gone. Just kill it then." 

"If it escapes? Then it might start acting out for the worse." 

"Sensei, can you track it?"

"It doesn't have a scent. None of the Zetsus do."

"I have a seal, put a homing beacon on it..."

"Be on Sage Mode, Naruto. Shikako and I'll handle the destruction of the statue after Kakashi-sensei kills Madara."

"Alright."

"Let's go then."

Kakashi stood up and hurtled into the cave, Chidori shrieking and cleanly beheaded an aged, skeletal Uchiha Madara before he or any of the White Zetsus with him could react. Shikako's shadow whipped out and snagged all three of them, tagging them with Touch Blast, and Sasuke leapt up, Susanoo forming around his body even as explosions rocked the cave.

Sometime between Sasuke slamming giant purple fists into the Statue and Shikako blowing it up sky-high and bringing the ceiling down on them, Naruto suddenly sprinted down. Black Zetsu abandoned the White Zetsu it was wearing and slipped away, liquid fast, Naruto's finger just barely skimming it. But a skim is still a touch and a touch is Shikako needed. A seal, glowing stark white against black sludge-like shadow, curls around it's form. Even as it disappeared from sight, Shikako could feel it, her seal sunk into Black Zetsu's very essence, heedless of its efforts to get rid of it. 

"Feel it?" Naruto asked while standing back up. 

"Yep." She shared the echo of the seal, named GPS, with them. Naruto grinned and gave her a thumbs up. 

Kakashi turned around and surveyed their ruined surroundings. A large crater had replaced what was previously forest and rock with upturned earth tumbling down randomly. Parts of the Demonic Statue stuck up, scattered. Madara's corpse and several hundred thousand White Zetsus were buried somewhere underneath all this. He clapped his hands together cheerfully. "Let's mosey, ducklings. This is your mess, after all." 

Naruto groaned. "Not mine." 

"Team 7," Shikako countered, nearly as cheerfully as Kakashi. 

Sasuke sighed. He'd been doing that a lot lately.

* * *

Black Zetsu is a slippery, slippery, slippery piece of shit. Team 7 experienced it first-hand for the next three weeks as they chased it all over the Elemental Countries. It didn't even have the decency to hide in the wild either. So far, they had caused five market riots, body-flickered through ten houses and one daimyo palace, purposely-not-purposely rammed a knee into a teenage Fourth Kazekage and shouted in his ear that sending uncles to assassinate toddler nephews was the worst idea _ever_ during their high-speed chase through Hidden Sand, interrupted sixteen battles, and upended two war front. 

This was another such circumstance. 

"Incoming! Seventeen chakra signatures, engaged in battle!" Shikako announced. 

Kakashi cocked his head and checked the scents ahead and stiffened. Naruto smoothly took over with nary a leap out of step. 

"Kaka-sensei?"

"Nothing." Kakashi shook his head. Shikako nudged him because they could feel that it certainly wasn't _nothing_ what with how their minds were connected.

Sasuke suddenly cursed and sped up. "He has someone!" 

Due to how hard it was to single out Black Zetsu even with Shikako's seal, she devised a seal that allowed them to see through cloth and applied it onto a shinobi-grade blindfold so that Sasuke and Kakashi could use Sharingan and Rinnegan without exposing themselves. More Kakashi's benefit, seeing as how the Rinnegan could see through everything. 

They leaped out from the forest. A Sand-nin was screaming, clawing at the half of their body Black Zetsu was possessing. Another was trying to help her to no avail while the rest were facing off against Konoha ninja, lead by- 

by-

Oh. 

Kakashi got a glimpse of silver hair before he wrenched his eyes towards Black Zetsu. Sasuke body-flickered through the battlefield and dove at the screaming Sand shinobi, Chidori sparking. 

"Wha-"

"Who is that-"

"HATAKE!!"

Black Zetsu threw itself off and lanced through the crowd of shinobi. Jutsu, kunai, wire, any weapon it got it's hands on was redirected to their way. Naruto bulldozed his way through all of it, scattering shinobi left and right and reached out. They grasped the very edge of it, too far and too little for Naruto and Sasuke to seal, but Shikako gritted her teeth and held on, shadows merging, unnoticeable to everyone except them and Black Zetsu. 

Kakashi slammed a knee into it, pinning it into place. It screamed in fury and struggled madly. "Anomaly! No, no! Why do you exist? _No!_ " 

Naruto and Sasuke ignored it and raised their palms, chakra pulsing in that strange way it did whenever they used the technique of the Sage of Six Paths. They pressed down to seal it- 

Kakashi whipped his left arm out and blasted the wind jutsu thrown their way apart with his own. A millisecond of inattention was all Black Zetsu needed and it sunk into the ground and rapidly escaped. Shikako cursed and jumped up to run after it, relaying the path it was taking through their connected minds. 

"Wait!" Saku-, a Konoha shinobi called after them, surpise and desperation lacing his voice. 

Kakashi ignored him and moved on. Now was not the time. Not for either of them.

* * *

As it turned out, their minds sleeping in rotation meant nothing if their actual body didn't get enough sleep. Getting none for the past month whilst on a high-speed, chakra-extensive chase across the Elemental Countries was more than even Naruto's Uzumaki stamina could take. Black Zetsu would have to wait.

They stumbled into a inn inside a quiet mining town located in southern Grass. Shikako slapped the room silly with seals and collapsed onto the bed. Sasuke blearily tugged the blanket over their body. 

They slept.

* * *

Shikako snapped open her eyes, Sword of the Thunder God already in hand. The rest of the team followed her example within milliseconds. 

There were two chakra signatures down below in the inn's dining room, high-chunin and jounin respectively. And the one outside their room was stronger than both of them combined, dense and enormous and.. nervous? 

Ah. 

"Kakashi-sensei?" inquired Shikako, because this was his decision no matter how you looked at it. 

Naruto squinted at the door like he could see through it if he stared hard enough. "That's Kakashi-sensei's dad? Woah, he feels really strong!" 

Kakashi smiled at that. "He does, doesn't he?"

"Are you going to talk to him?" asked Sasuke. 

Kakashi grew quiet at his question. Meeting with Sakumo had been inevitable since the moment he had heard the date from the village chief. Hiding away would have ceased to be an option, especially so close when his father had undertaken that damned mission. Nor with both Naruto and Shikako inside his body and connected with him. 

"Yes," Kakashi nodded. He slouched back, stuck one hand inside a pocket, and casually opened the door. 

Hatake Sakumo stared back at him with wide eyes. 


End file.
